In other news, I can also get the Daily Mail online. If I tried, I could get AIDS, or malaria, but I don't want those either. Out of reckless curiosity, I've just spent 27 minutes on the Mail's website and couldn't find any evidence of any actual reporting. It was all post-pregnancy pictures of celebrities it is assumed I will recognise, but don't, in bikinis, proudly proclaiming that they've lost some weight and are really happy about it and we should all look at how slim they are and how happy they are and they will derive some kind of gratifying feeling (for all of 30 minutes) from us looking at them recreating Liz Hurley's model shoot from 2002.
Oh, and that little Cher Lloyd on X Factor, who I actually thought was quite good until I imagined she was snapped in half by the weight of her eyelashes. 'Daily Mail Reporter' - an individual so ashamed that they work for the Mail that they can't bring themselves to append their real name to their work and own up to the fact they are making the world an even worse place than mudslides, famine and Global Warming - yes it does exist Daily Mail - had already managed to do - seemed outraged that a young girl, trying to withdraw her hard-earned, no-doubt limited earnings (she's from Wales yeah?) should - as everyone ever has ever told anyone else ever - shield her PIN.
I'll admit, as Daily Mail Reporter cowardly points out, that most people use their hand or even body, to shield their PIN. She used a pashmina and two other people. She used a pashmina and two other people because there was a horde of inhuman paparazzi vultures with long lens cameras, digital editing software and precisely no qualms about printing the headline "CHER LLOYD'S PIN IS 6538" were surrounding her.
I'm not sure the Guardian follows X Factor though, so it looks like I don't have a choice...
I'm going back to the Guardian. Please don't read the Mail. Please. Read the inside of a toilet paper roll instead, there's more chance of finding journalism in there than in the Mail. x