So there's me, enthusiastically reading a dialogue in which one character has forgotten their warm coat when it begins to snow, arms aloft as Pat cries "Oh, no!", the realisation setting in that she's been caught coatless in cold weather. There's also a shoulder-mounted camera so close to my face, pointing down my throat, that the 'communication with students' being filmed is being recorded at source, at my vocal chords.
In hindsight, the camera guy and sound techy were never going to stay at the back of the room. I see that now. How could they resist getting closer to the apparently crazy foreigner on the podium? Especially when he's seemingly nearing a breakdown as Julie - Pat's friend- discovers she has left one glove at the laundrette and it's a long walk to the car.
"I know!" Pat shouts, the snow that isn't falling in the classroom but is in the illustration perhaps drowning out her voice. The class think Pat has had a life-changing, world-changing idea. The cameraman nearly trips over his cables as he spins to capture every HD-detail of the students' reactions to what is about to come.
"We'll take a taxi."
Well, I'm sure they can use computer graphics or a voiceover to jazz up the last bit.
My second scene will doubtless be played just before the credits begin to roll (or probably after). Take one was perfect, totally off the cuff, but apparently I wasn't using my hands to speak enough. I had thought about it but two things stopped me: 1. my arms were tired from pointing to the Heaven's in a 'Why, God, why?' pose when Pat and Julie couldn't find a cab; and 2. because everything from my neck down was certainly out of shot.
Needless to say, Take Two won't be earning me any auditions, least of all because nobody who speaks English will ever see the film. Except you, if I can get a copy.
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